Wish List vs Reality
I’ve been a fan of reading postings on Craig’s List for some time now and I’m always amused at the “wish” lists of men and women searching for each other. The common threads that connect the ads, i.e. romantic walks on the beach, holding hands, cooking together, cuddling, no baggage, are endearing but I wonder just how reality based they are?
Romantic walks on the beach: When was the last time you actually took a long romantic walk on the beach…or could take the time or had the money to drive to the coast to enjoy such a simple pleasure? A walk on the beach is wonderful but as long as you’re there shouldn’t the outing include a fire and a bottle of wine or the sunset and dinner?
Cooking together: Have you cooked with someone else recently? My kitchen is a one-butt kitchen so that particular “wish” is far down the list of possibles.
Cuddling: Again, nice but the older I get the more I appreciate the freedom from hot flashes I get from NOT cuddling – or spooning (which is another story altogether).
Holding hands: This one gets no challenge from reality because it’s nice to hold hands and it’s completely possible, provided that you are always on the same step and don’t throw each other’s balance off. Also, you have to know if you’re an inside or outside hand holder and if you do the between fingers holding or just palm holding.
And then there’s the wish list of physical qualifications/desires. I don’t think any of us really sees ourselves as we are – it’s impossible, after all, and very subjective and we are our own worst critics – which is why we post photographs on the ad and, even if the photo is current, NONE of us photographs well, which is why I believe that some of us choose to post photos of scenery and pets and nature. Rather defeats the purpose, huh?
So that’s my little diatribe about posting ads on CL. My personal “wish” list about me is that I’m petite and slender and have shoulder length hair and I’m athletic and I ski and snowboard and I’m never at a loss for something to do or someone to do it with. My personal reality is that I’m petite and over weight and have short blond hair and I’m not athletic and I don’t ski or snowboard BUT I’m a lot of fun and happy all the time.
Thanks for the visit.
Pheromones: Let The Truth Be Told
Funny thing about pheromones is that they don’t lie; they’re either present or they’re not and they can’t be faked. They can’t be controlled like endorphins. The problem with pheromones is that you actually have to meet a person to know if this chemical condition exists between you and another person and, no matter how many emails, phone calls, IMs or any other form of communication one might use to determine if a romantic relationship is possible – you can’t beat good old pheromones to tell you the truth and give you that final answer.
The starting point of the PT (pheromone test) is the posting of the personals ad, then the emails back and forth, perhaps an exchange of photographs and then, suddenly, without warning, there is a request for a phone number…and the possibility of a live chat…and why not? With a deep breath and a feeling of “what have I got to lose” the number is shared, a phone call is made and voila! actual verbal communication. Your heart beats a little faster, the possibilities are endless, you are using your very best phone voice; deep, relaxed and VERY sexy. Step 1: The phone call. There are no pheromones in people’s voices.
“You have a nice voice. I can almost hear you smile.”
“Thank you, so do you.”
“So how are you? How did your day go?”
“My day went well and I’m well, thanks for asking.”
“Your picture is very nice. You’re cute.”
“Thank you. So are you.” And the initial conversation continues, ending with “Can I call you again?”
“I look forward to it.”
So begins a seemingly endless stream of phone calls and discussions about anything and everything, lots of truths being told and there’s lots of laughter and comments to each other like “You make me laugh and I like that” and “Even if we don’t like each other when we finally do meet we should make a pact that we’ll be friends” and pretty soon you’ve been talking to each other for a few weeks and it’s all about Step 2: The meeting.
“Are you busy? Want to meet for a drink?”
“I’d love to meet for a drink.”
The place is chosen, the time is set and the theme from “Jaws” begins to play in your head. You look at his photograph again (unnecessary because you KNOW there will be a connection) and drive to the appointed place, trying to be early to watch him arrive just to be safe. Will there be pheromones? Oh, please, let there be pheromones.
You meet…he offers a closed mouth smile and a friendly hug “hello” then he whispers in your ear that you smell nice and you try to return the compliment but he reeks of Old Spice (and not the new one that’s ok) and something else that is strangely familiar (Vicks??) and it reminds you of your deceased grandfather…the one who used to take his teeth out and chase you around the yard. UH OH…red flag. Your heart is calming down, the theme from “Jaws” is slowing subsiding and, as he’s standing at the bar ordering drinks, you see a familiar round object in his back pocket. He chews? Oh no. You remember your ad stating no smoking but it didn’t specify NO CHEWING. He’s smiling with that closed mouth smile as he’s walking back from the bar with a beer and a shot of Jack. Your heart is beating fast again. Nervous energy? Gas? Something is missing. He leans down to your cheek and, in a low voice, tells you he forgot what you wanted to drink. Normally you would order a glass of wine but you feel compelled to order something a little stronger. You order an Old Fashioned with Maker’s Mark bourbon.
He walks back to the bar and you think “he’s a nice enough guy, we have a lot in common, I could buy him a better cologne and I could probably deal with the chewing thing.” When he comes back with the Old Fashioned he finally opens his mouth to smile. Not only are the pheromones missing but there’s something else missing…most of his teeth. The teeth that AREN’T missing are dotted with chew. No wonder he didn’t smile in his photograph. Weren’t you pretty specific in your ad when you said “must have own teeth”? Perhaps he lost his ability to read at the same time he lost his teeth. Ok. You don’t want to obsess. You’re disappointed because he hasn’t been truthful with you but you manage to be cordial. He asks if you want another drink (you drank the other one without even tasting it) and you say “no thank you, I really should go.”
He walks you to your car. He hugs you goodbye and, before he can say anything, you say “So, my friend, thank you for the drink. It was great meeting you. We should get together some time and shoot some stick or go to a movie”. (You DID make a pact, remember?) He says he enjoyed meeting you, too, and he’ll be in touch. He leans down to give you a kiss…you recoil…he gets your cheek and as you drive away you feel something there. You check the mirror. It’s a little grain of chew. EEEWWWWW!
There was no staring into each other’s eyes, no nervous flirtatious giggling, no looking at your watch and being surprised at how much time had gone by. Sad, you seemed to have so much in common. You could talk to each other for 118 minutes without calling each other back. But there was no physical attraction…NO PHEROMONES…he didn’t tell you the truth. Damn it. Oh well. Back to the personals? Maybe take a break for a while? Or should I let my evil twin take a stab at this? Hmmmmmm………..the possibilities.
Fididee